Family

Deciding Whether or Not to Have Kids in your 30s

posted on September 16, 2019 | by Dana Rae

Prior to my thirties, I always imagined myself having kids and becoming a mom. During most of my twenties, I was in a long-term relationship and was set on having a baby by the time I turned 29. My mom had me at the age of 30, and I always remember thinking that seemed so old. Now being in my thirties, I feel a lot differently. But it’s something that weighs on my mind – whether or not I want to have kids of my own one day.

My thirties have brought on lots of changes in my life. I’ve changed careers, moved to New York City and have been single more often than not. All of which has ultimately given me a new outlook. Especially when it comes to whether or not I want to pursue motherhood. I’ve found as I have gotten older I am more accepting of the alternative if it doesn’t happen for me. But I also haven’t canceled motherhood out altogether. I’ve realized that when it comes to deciding if kids are in my future, there is more to it than just a simple “yes” or “no” answer.

Here are a few things I’ve learned when it comes to deciding whether or not to have kids in my thirties.

Stop Comparing Your Timeline to Friends

There is nothing worse than feeling pressured to have babies just because all of your friends are pregnant. As women, we especially feel the need to keep up with a timeline of those around us. And I think it’s important to know that it’s OK to do things in your own time. If you want to travel, or focus on your career or just enjoy being single for the time being, do just that. Don’t add the extra pressure to yourself just because you see your friends joining the “mommy club”. You’re only in your thirties once, make sure you don’t fast forward through them and have regrets later.

Everyone’s timeline doesn’t have to look the same when it comes to major life milestones.

Be Honest With Yourself

Deciding whether or not to have kids should be a personal choice. And just like any other major life decision, it comes with some tough questions. Ask yourself, are you allowing the opinion of friends and family to weigh in on your decision? Are you letting age play a factor? Are certain things making you feel more inclined to have kids even if you’re not really ready? Imagine what life would be like having kids versus not having kids. All of these factors play a role in envisioning what you want your life to look like. And the more comfortable you become with your decision, the less convincing you’ll have to do with others.

Get Educated on Your Options

As women in our thirties, we know that biologically it can sometimes be more challenging to conceive naturally. However, there are so many options nowadays in which women can have babies. Thanks to modern medicine, you can freeze your eggs and retrieve them later, you can choose to have a surrogate, undergo IVF and of course there is always adoption. And maybe you just want to get ahead of the process by prepping your body for pregnancy. It’s important to explore all of your options and seek advice from a medical professional first.

Deciding whether or not to have kids can make us feel overwhelmed with questions and what-ifs. The sooner you get educated on your options, the better you’ll feel about moving forward with your decision.

As for me, I’m in the process of getting educated myself and looking at all of my options given to me by my doctor. Although I’m still undecided if having kids is right for me, I don’t want to wait too long to be able to make the choice myself. I know whatever I decide, I will be doing it for me and me only.

I hope my advice helps you in your journey on deciding whether or not to have kids! I’d love to hear your thoughts!