How to Enjoy Being the Only Single Person in Your Circle
posted on July 10, 2019 | by Lauren Solomon
People (often those in relationships) are always saying, “You’ll find someone when you least expect it.” I have always kind of disliked that sentiment. As the only single 30-year-old woman amongst my friends and family, I’m always least expecting it. Especially after a bad date (unfortunately, there have been MANY). Dating isn’t easy. When I am out, no matter who I’m with or why I am AWARE of men around me. And although I am open to it, I don’t think I’m usually expecting that I’ll meet my person. I used to think – well this sucks. Because I’m looking to see if that hot guy in the corner is attached, I’ll never meet the right person?
I think the practical application of this is YOU. DO. YOU. If you actually start to invest in yourself – volunteer, take a class, try a new hobby, join a group – you are learning about yourself, putting yourself first, focusing on having fun, going out and interacting. These things can give us endorphin boosts, motivation, excitement. I’ve always found that you are much more likely to have a random encounter with the cute person in line if you are happy and smiling. You are also more likely to engage in conversation with a stranger when you feel this way! Welcoming vibes are tangible and open you up to interactions. Of course, sometimes this is easier said than done. BUT, overtime, I have picked up on a few things that can make life for a 30-something single lady the littlest bit easier – so I wanted to share.
Don’t be afraid of being the 3rd wheel
I used to think it would be terrible to be the 3rd wheel to a couple. I was lucky enough to learn organically that it can actually be really great. My brothers and best friends have all found significant others and will invite me over to hang out, out to dinner, to the pool, to the movies and out with their friends. And surprigngly, this presents several benefits.
Despite being an extrovert, I can also be a bit of a homebody. As wonderful as that is, you aren’t going to meet people that way. In my experience, couples tend to visit places and do things often. So if your best friend invites you to dinner on a friday night with her and her hubby, GO! Sure, you could enjoy a bottle of wine, Postmates and Netflix by yourself (and don’t get me wrong…been there!), but you’ll be so much more likely to meet new people if you are out and about. You never know if dinner might turn into drinks with a couple of her husband’s friends whom you’ve never met. And bonus – when you are surrounded by friends you are generally more at ease and will probably project that sexy confidence people are always talking about that attracts others to you.
Even if you don’t meet someone, you probably had a nice time with your couple friends. And subconsciously or not, being around healthy couples can help you see what you may or may not want or need out of a future partner. I’ve also found that I love having built in guy friends that can give me advice and perspective that your girlfriends (try as they might) can’t.
Focus on personal goals
You don’t have to wait on a romantic partner to do the things you want in life! Create some personal goals. When you have positive things to focus on that engage you, you might find that you spend less time thinking about being single. Sometimes it can be strangely difficult to figure out what you want those goals to be. Whether it’s trying out that new rock climbing gym around the corner, turning off the TV and picking up more books, going to more shows or volunteering for an organization that piques your interest, just get going. Try one out.
Volunteer one day or go to the rock climbing gym this Saturday. Sometimes we make goals feel so overwhelming that we don’t even get started. Try a few things out and see what sticks. You might find yourself smiling more, eating healthier, saying hi to a stranger, or even tackling that larger goal you have been too intimidated to really think about until now.
Appreciate your independence
The first step is acceptance. Just accept that you are single. Single isn’t a bad word. Despite the fact that being in a relationship comes with a lot of perks, total independence is not one of them. In fact, the freedom you have while single is something that most people in even the happiest of relationships miss, because relationships are FULL of compromise. You are always considering someone else’s feelings, schedule, taste buds when deciding where to eat, preferences when deciding what to watch, introverted vs extroverted inspired plans and night owl vs morning person tendencies. YES…if you date a morning person and have sleepovers or cohabitate, you will most likely end up becoming a morning person (heard it from a friend).
As a 30-year-old single woman (despite the fact that statement is true, it still feels weird to say…who’s with me?), if a coworkers asks if I want to go to a concert tomorrow night, I can say yes. If a friend wants to take a spontaneous trip out of town, I can say yes (see where I’m going with this?). When you are single, you are totally free to do what you want when you want – take advantage of that!
Don’t underestimate how relaxing and wonderful alone time can be. I happen to be a very social person, but I also need a LOT of alone time to recharge. Don’t force it. If you feel like watching a chick-flick while getting wine drunk and having a good cry, do it! It can be cathartic. Just don’t let it consume you.
Don’t let fear stop you
Vulnerability is endearing and creates trust and common ground. Say hi, compliment his/her shirt or ask a question (even if you already know the answer). What’s the worst that can happen – they’re not single or interested? You probably put a smile on their face and gave them a little confidence boost. Who doesn’t love that…really?
What are some things you’ve done solo that ended up being incredibly fun? Did you meet anyone new?