4 Things No One Tells You About Getting Engaged
posted on August 7, 2018 | by Amanda Holstein
As you may have seen on Instagram, I recently got engaged. And let me just say, I love this guy more than I’ve ever loved a man and I have no doubt in my mind that he’s the one for me. I feel so incredibly lucky to have found him! Our relationship is so strong and so secure, and perhaps that’s why I felt the need to write this post.
Maybe it’s from watching too many romantic comedies or too many TV engagements where the guy always gets down on one knee, says something amazing, and the girl is overwhelmed with emotion, but I have to say — my expectations of getting engaged were way off compared to the reality of it. And I feel like this needed to be said so that we can all (1) stop expecting something unrealistic and (2) enjoy getting engaged for what it truly is.
1. You probably won’t be totally surprised.
If you’re anything like me and my guy, we tell each other everything. So, in the spirit of that, I told him exactly what I wanted — I picked out the ring, I told him I wanted him to propose without an audience, but to be able to go celebrate immediately with all our family. Maybe I’m over-communicative, but I figured, why make him guess?
Needless to say, I wasn’t exactly surprised when the proposal finally happened. I just know him too well for it to be a total shock, and that is totally okay! That did not make it any less meaningful. He did manage to throw in a few surprises, like flying in my best friend from NY! But, my point is, you may have a sense of when the proposal is going to happen, or you may talk about it directly with your partner. Whether or not you’re surprised does not make it any less special.
2. It might be awkward.
I don’t know what it is about a proposal that can be so awkward. You know each other so well and are so infinitely comfortable with each other. Yet, when a ring is involved, you start acting weird. I think it’s because you both know it’s coming but can’t say anything. You’re sitting there thinking about the exact same thing but unable to share what’s going on in your head. And you’re both nervous because it’s a big moment! So if you aren’t feeling totally yourself or you’re not sure what to say or you feel weird — that’s ok! It is kind of a weird experience. But again, that doesn’t make it any less meaningful!
3. You might not be super emotional.
As someone who cries at just about everything, I was sure I would cry at my proposal. So when I didn’t, I was really thrown off. I was expecting to feel this wave of emotions come over me — of deep love and connection. But for me personally, that didn’t happen. I’ve certainly had those moments with my fiancé. I think because we already knew (and discussed) that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, I had already accepted and processed that idea in my head. So it makes sense I didn’t feel overwhelmed with emotion during that moment. Because I already knew he was all mine!
4. It doesn’t feel much different than before.
Yes, I fell for the trap and assumed somehow I’d feel different once we got engaged. But guess what? It feels exactly the same. Again, maybe it’s because we already committed to each other long before getting engaged. I don’t know what exactly I was hoping to feel. Probably just overwhelmingly happy like you see in the movies. But that’s not reality. You don’t wake up one day and you’re just magically elated from here on out. Instead, you enjoy the small moments that occur day-to-day. And that’s exactly what’s happening now, just as it did before we got engaged. And again, just because you don’t feel different does not make it any less meaningful or enjoyable. It’s an important step in your life and that can never change.
Before I leave you, I definitely don’t mean to downplay getting engaged or make you less excited for it. I just think it’s important that we share the realities of it. Rather than expecting your engagement to directly reflect your love for each other or how strong your relationship is, just take it for what it is. It’s a next step, it’s a special moment, it’s a funny story. Either way, you get to spend the rest of your life with your favorite person, and that’s pretty amazing!!
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Samantha Rose Says
I know this is an older post, but I totally relate to this! I got engaged in June, and we’d been dating for 4.5 years at the time, so it was kind of like “well yeah, of course we’ll be getting engaged soon…otherwise, what are we doing here?!” I didn’t cry at the time, but it was still a very meaningful moment. I think sharing the reality of the subject is so important!
Chelsea Becker Says
Right?! I’m so happy you enjoyed and related.